I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
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