HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
