I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
as a side note pls kill me
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
