This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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