just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
