508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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