The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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