But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
