my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
