Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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