I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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