Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
