that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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