I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
