I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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