I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
