Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
