I must be too annoying 4 u.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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