Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
