you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
