This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
