Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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