i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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