please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
