can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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