im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
