Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
