It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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