i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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