This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
