I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
