was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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