I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
