Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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