Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
