My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
