I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
