do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
