do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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