The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just found puke in my bra..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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