i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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