Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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