I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
