I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
