Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
