it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
