She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
