Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
