Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
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I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
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I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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