Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
