A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
