We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
