Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
