i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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