just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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