i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
