god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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