i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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