The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
