Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
