no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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