Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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