Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
