He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
